Madness
by Clio S.S
Summary: You can't always have a happy end. A kind of sequel to "Ima made arigatou".


Hyūga's impatience makes Takeshi burn even more, as does the thought that Hyūga Kojirō loses his mind because of _him_. Takeshi wishes he could give him at least as much as he is being given - but it's not possible because in this situation, like always, he has no control whatsoever. It is Hyūga who holds him in his arms, crushes his lips, hardly lets him breathe, as if he tried to say with his every gesture, 'You're mine, mine, mine.' Takeshi can barely remain conscious, for that passion, with himself in its centre, drives him to madness - and, at the same time, he knows he would give anything to never, ever, stop experiencing it.

Finally, Hyūga turns him around and enters him in one firm shove, and Takeshi can't hold back a moan. Now, he really loses his ability to think and becomes an adjusted instrument, tuned to Hyūga and having just one purpose: to give and take pleasure - and Hyūga never forgets about him, not even for a moment. At first, he was amazed to be able to compare this situation to the soccer play: on the field, he exists only to pass and receive, too. He was careless to mention it aloud, and since then Hyūga always, in the right time, leans over and whispers right into his ear, "Will you receive it, Takeshi?"

And Takeshi's only answer is a hoarse groan, for speaking is far beyond his abilities. Hyūga correctly reads it as an affirmation and starts to move. Takeshi explodes the same moment Hyūga does, deep inside him; he comes with a scream, unable to resist the pleasure attacking him from every possible direction. When he gives in to it and let himself be swept to the world with nothing but it - and the two of them - a single realization remains in his head:

He belongs to Hyūga Kojirō.

* * *

He wakes up in the hot bed, always with a painful feeling of loss that soon turns into resignation. He gets up and opens the window - hoping that the night air will cool his burning face. He sits down on the chair, supporting his forehead on one hand with the other hanging over the sill. He knows it will last a while until he manages to fall asleep again.

He's seen that dream so many times. It comes to him every night, filling with bitterness and leaving with emptiness. He belongs to Hyūga Kojirō. During those waking hours, he realizes with anger it is true.

Hyūga Kojirō, why won't you leave me alone?

However, he knows well that such complaints are utterly pointless and directed at the wrong person, to begin with. His irritation vanishes, for he has no strength for it. If he wants to blame anyone, it could be only his own, stupid heart... his own stupid self for having fallen in love - so many years ago he can hardly remember - with a person that could never return his feelings... and that love has never died, even after Hyūga Kojirō disappeared from his life. It started as an innocent infatuation, deepened by respect, loyalty, and dedication... and later turned into a hurricane of emotions and sensations, those physical being the most distinct. Sometimes he finds it unbelievable, that something like that has happened to him: Sawada Takeshi, who is the most average person in the world.

Hyūga Kojirō disappeared from his life to walk his own way, but even if he were here, next to him, within his physical reach, he would still be far away. The real distance between the two of them is not counted in kilometres, no matter how Takeshi preferred it to be so: if that were the case, he could simply run and catch up to him, for he always could. But life is not as easy as a football play, and thus Takeshi is left only with those dreams he can't... and doesn't want to snap out of.

Do the member of his team know that their captain is such a pathetic being?

For Takeshi realizes - and it fills him with such intense despair he wishes he could die - that he lives only for those nights. Being just a poor substitute, they let him experience happiness that is unattainable in every other form... He lives only with those visions, that aren't really dreams, for sometimes it seems to him that Hyūga is here indeed, everywhere around and inside him. That he feels Hyūga's touch and breath on his skin, and the taste of Hyūga's lips, and his smell. That he hears Hyūga's deep voice, resonating in his every cell. And sometimes he even sees those dark eyes, burning with desire that equals his own. Only Hyūga can drive him into such a state... so he has to be here, right? He comes during those nights, that are more real to Takeshi than days and that are his only purpose.

He curves his lips mockingly at the thought there's nothing but complete madness at the end of this way. Sometimes, he can't really wait.


End file.
